Over the last few days, I’ve been receiving many anonymous comments on this blog. I approved and replied to one of them, but haven’t on the others. I don’t know if these comments are being authored by the same person or not, but I wanted to address this issue as a whole.
First, most of the comments are telling me how foolish and ‘idiotic’ I’m being by letting Sarge back into my life. And, had I been reading this blog myself, I would have readily agreed. But, two things have made me understand my actions:
- My knowledge of the complexity of Narcissistic Abuse and the psychological manipulation present which changes your entire ability to see things rationally.
- The new understanding that being inside a situation is much different than being on the outside. Being objective and emotionally detached is always easier than being subjective and emotionally enmeshed. How often have you been able to see issues in other people easier than recognizing similar issues in yourself?
I think we live in a very judgmental society. We are bombarded with the media berating others in order to sell their magazines, promote their reality shows, and sell themselves as the best commodity. It’s almost as if by making people smaller, we can appear bigger. Or, by pointing out the poor choices of others, we can feel better about the choices we make ourselves.
It’s a bullying world right now, and a very different one from when I grew up. Back then, bullies were the people in your classes or your neighborhood that you could escape from by walking into your own home. Nowadays? Bullies are everywhere. Literally. They hide behind their tablets, phones, and computers and incite, preach, taunt, and inflame with the anonymity our technology now provides. It’s constant. And safe places? I don’t really believe they exist anymore.
Anonymity is a curious thing to me. Why, if we are expressing a belief or opinion we obviously find valid, do we hide ourselves from it? Why do we not identify ourselves and why is it that the more hateful the voice, the more layers the person wraps around themselves to protect their own selves from retribution. If you believe in an idea and have worded it appropriately, why would you have to hide at all? Shouldn’t we, if we are expressing ourselves, be proud of our stand? Shouldn’t we at least take ownership of it?
When I started this blog, I was just learning about Narcissistic Abuse. And I’m still learning. I was just recovering And I’m still recovering. I think things like this are a process. Some people are very strong and emotionally resilient, and can extricate themselves from situations quickly and permanently. Others are less so, and the process may take more time. And more mistakes.
I know I have family and friends who disapprove of the choices I have made, and continue to make. And although their opinions might be hurtful at times, I respect very much them being straightforward and honest with me. I really do. And in this blog, I’m trying my very best to be straightforward and honest too. Sometimes it’s difficult to paint an entire picture in a paragraph or two. I’m being open and honest to the point where it’s painful at times, but I’m determined to do it. Not so others can necessarily learn from my mistakes, but so they know there is someone else on this ride with them who will support them when they fall. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
This is what I know: people do the best they can…and truthful, forthright comments can be very helpful and welcome. But sometimes we have to make our own choices…our own mistakes…our own consequences. And it’s always nice to know there are people around to soften the hurt that might entail. If it happens to you, I’m here.